


Unbalanced Forces: Shoker Romance

by ChimeraArts



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChimeraArts/pseuds/ChimeraArts
Summary: Something strange is happening on the Normandy. Bailie Shepard follows a string of mysterious clues that lead her to a surprise from her favorite pilot. This was written as a Christmas present for spaced0lphin.tumblr.com. Bailie is her Femshep and I have tried to bring Joker to life in the spirit of how they write him. This takes place towards the end of ME2. Check out their amazing fic Tiger By My Side and follow the rocking ride of Bailie and Joker falling for each other.
Relationships: Jeff "Joker" Moreau/Female Shepard
Kudos: 6





	Unbalanced Forces: Shoker Romance

The composition 

Of a star does not explain

It’s wonder at night

  
  
  


It started with a paper crane. 

Bailie finished pulling on a pair of soft sweatpants and a shirt with a faded N7 insignia that had seen a thousand wash cycles. Every possible type of soil - blood, sweat, tears, turian blood, batarian spit, actual soil, like the dirt kind - had been stripped from that shirt since she’d been given it as a green recruit. The endless washes had slowly worn away the depth and consistency of color in the red and white fabric paint. 

Her third to last physical therapy session with Chakwas had left her covered in sweat, something she didn’t mind. But the sweat that came from that kind of workout, one full of pain - and not the good burning pain of tired muscles, but the sickly straining pain of flesh barely knit together, trying to remember the steps to a dance the other tissues around it knew by heart; that sweat had a smell she couldn’t stand. She had stripped out of her clothes and ducked under the hot water of the shower the minute she returned to her cabin.

She tilted her head, a pinky finger searching for the last tickling bits of water in an ear, and her gaze landed on the white folded paper crane sitting on her desk. The paper fowl _definitely_ hadn’t been there when she came into the room fifteen minutes ago, which meant someone had come in and left it while she was showering. She had a pretty good idea who that someone might be. 

She scowled at the folded bird as she picked it up, imagining the smug grin that would no doubt creep across the folder’s face at her reaction. There was a scrap of paper on the desk next to it and her brow furrowed as she read the untidy scribble of black ink. 

_How do birds fly?_

_Fucking seriously?_ She thought. She snorted as she pulled carefully at the head and tail of the bird so that the triangular wings beat up and down. _This is like the oldest trick in the book._ But as the folds of paper moved a trailing line of black became visible.

Bailie halted the crane’s flight, raised a brow and performed a bit of macabre bird-surgery, unfolding the paper to find a message inside.

_Really hope you were able to figure that out, otherwise I’ll be waiting and sitting around here for ages and will have caused one hell of a stir for absolutely nothing._

_So here's hoping._

_BUT if you ARE reading this you’re sharp as I think you are - or you’re as strong as I think you are and are currently trying to read this as you piece the paper back together because you tore the poor crane to pieces accidentally when you started playing with it - in which case YOU MONSTER WHAT DID THIS PAPER BIRD EVER DO TO YOU!_

_YOU FOUL BEAST_

_I’M GONNA REPORT YOU TO THE AVIAN ALLIANCE_

Bailie couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. _Wow, chatty when you’re not having to say any of this directly to me._ But she could feel the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth and the words she hadn’t read yet calling her back to the fold-lined page.

_IT’S ILL-EAGLE TO TREAT INNOCENT CREATURES THIS WAY_

_And it should be against the law to go through so many bad puns like that in one go. There’s gotta be a C-Sec charter on that. Garrus would probably know. Or make one up for me and make it sound really really official._ She made a mental note of her possible revenge plan. The text was getting smaller and harder to read as it ran towards the bottom of the page.

_Fuck, I’m rambling here too. Damnit. Ok, so point is if you're reading this STILL, you must be bored or have time on your hands so um….I know you’re the Commander and nobody gives you orders, except Hackett and The Illusive-Dick, (that name deserves a retro comic book-style superhero to go with it) but in my humble opinion-_

_Humble. Right!_ Bailie thought.

_-you should definitely go to the mess. For….reasons. Anyhoo...I hope you go there or today’s gonna be really weird._

Or at least that’s what she thought the last line said. It bent at a ninety degree angle as it ran into the edge of the page and then made its way up the side to squeeze in the last three words. 

Bailie swallowed, fiddling with the edge of the page for a moment and then attempted to fold it back into a bird, giving up after about ten seconds. She folded it into a neat square (the greatest feat of paper artistry she was capable of) and tucked it deep into a pocket of her sweatpants, smoothing the outside to make sure it couldn’t shift or fall out. She scratched her head and left her cabin wondering why her heart was beating so fast. 

The mess was strangely empty. It was common enough for the crew to spend their off duty time there playing cards, drinking coffee, and laughter from someone usually filled the space. The sole occupant was a paper perched on the corner of a table in the center of the room. Bailie’s steps slowed as she neared it. She picked it up, her heartbeat going from a quick pulse to a dashing syncopation as she unfolded it. 

_If you are reading this you can clearly follow directions...which might come in handy later…but now let's check your powers of deduction and reasoning. Imagine this is being said in Hackett’s raspy drawl-_

Bailie snorted. _I’d rather just hear you saying it._

_“Shepard, the Alliance needs you to look into something. We need you to go on a solo reconnaissance mission in the domain of the stupidly tall carapaced creature. I can’t give you too many details for bullshit reasons I’m not going to give you, but...just look out for anything unusual. And pick up my dry cleaning while you're at it cuz I’m a dinosaur who hasn’t just got a mass effect field powered cleaning unit of my own. Good luck, Shepard. My pressed Alliance blues are depending on you. - Hackettasaurus out._

Bailie’s sides were shaking and air whistled in and out of her nose as she suppressed the laughter from the piece of blatant insubordination. Thank God just about everything he handled was digital and he had to watch himself. She wondered if his maintenance and Normandy performance reports had this kind of snide humor in them? She might have to have Chambers bring her the next one so she could take a peek. 

“You're funny.” She muttered to herself as she started towards the battery, “but you’re crap at riddles. I didn’t need powers of deduction for _that._ ” She ran a hand across the fuzz of her buzz cut on her head. “And this is gonna be a stealth or diplomatic mission....” Heat crept into her face. “I don’t know how I’m gonna get this without the bony buzzard giving me hell for it.” She closed her eyes in anticipation of the agony of his smug sarcasm. She could see him in her mind's eye, arms crossed, leaning against the control panel staring at the paper whatever as she entered (it would be a heart or a rose or some damn thing like that, knowing her luck). He’d turn very slowly to look at her with a predatory gleam in his eyes and drawl, _“so Shepard, finally here to admit that this voice makes your knees weak? Leaving paper declarations of your secret crush because you just can’t find the words when looking in these eyes? Oh, it’s for you, not me?”_ She could already hear his rumbling laughter _. “Oh you look funny when you’re trying to jump and grab it, Shepard, but there is no way you are gonna be able to reach this. Reach is kind of my thing, remember? Now let’s see if it says who’s given you their heart…”_

Imagined embarrassment was turning to anger and she pressed the keypad to open the battery doors with more force than was strictly necessary, squaring her shoulders, ready to get this over with, but the battery was devoid of taunting turian. She actually peered around for a solid thirty seconds in confusion. Garrus was _always_ here endlessly recalibrating the Normandy’s guns. It had been hard to drag him on missions from time to time, and she’d even had to resort to luring him out with the prospect of Tali being there once this week. She did find it a little odd that, despite his claims that he was the best and there was no one who could do more with the Normandy’s offensive system, that it seemed to take him so very long to finish whatever he was doing to them. But all hatches to the mechanical workings of the guns were closed, the control panel unattended, save for a little paper hannar perched on several very pointy legs.

A small exhalation of relief escaped Bailie’s chest as she picked up the hannar, leaned against the control panel in a way she felt might cause a territorial browplate raise for the possessive turian. _My secret revenge for the things we both know you would have said if you had been here._ She deconstructed the little paper jelly, trying to be careful not to tear the paper as she loosened and reversed the tight folds. 

_Calligrations!_

She closed her eyes. _You are lucky you were really, really good in bed._

_Also, man I hope you are the only one who sees and opens this to read that. I think I might actually fly the Normandy into a black hole if ol’ Twinkle-Two-Toes sees that one. Ok...so I know you're the one who writes the poetry stuff, but.._

_Now go find the home of a Scot_

_And see what that place has got._

_It’s just meant to be this thing called a couplet. I’m leaving the fancy haikus to you._

There was a keeper in engineering, which led her to a varren in the medbay, which in turn led her to what Joker’s note claimed was a thresher maw in the comm room. A krogan was hanging from Jacob’s pullup bar - well - a paper krogan, not Grunt. 

_Pretty sure this would break if a krogan actually tried to use it. And I would bet a large stack of credits that watching someone break his pullup bar would make the dude cry._

Grunt wasn't there. Actually, the whole crew seemed to be missing. They had been docked at the Citadel for some maintenance that afternoon but it had finished over an hour ago and the Normandy should have been bustling with her people, getting them ready for departure and onto their next mission on the Illusive Man’s laundry list of orders for her.

The tiny krogan (which was just an objectively fun turn of phrase) led her to the railing in front of the galaxy map. Shepard stopped dead, staring at the little folded paper heart that was sitting on top of the railing. She couldn’t tell if the tension in her chest was because she was trying to stop herself from laughing at the sight of it or...something else, but she picked it up and opened it more carefully than she had any other piece. 

_I’M NOT BEING CHEESY OR SOME CRAP LIKE THAT I RAN OUT OF ALIEN SHAPES OK?!!!_

And she couldn’t stop the ringing laughter that burst forth. She covered her mouth with a hand, more out of habit than anything else as there was clearly no one here to see her laugh. 

_I learned from a bunch of human doctors and they usually stuck to crap you would see on earth. And, I’m doing you a favor, there are enough people who go around muttering that the Normandy is a zoo or a traveling circus. I’m making sure that there is never any evidence that there were elephants or giraffes or shit like that on here._

_Speaking of which…_

_DESTROY AFTER READING_

_But first, I know you ended up not finishing your training as a pilot, but next…._

_Come to where you would be sitting if you had…_

_I figure you have probably noticed that the ship feels a little weird right now, and I don’t know about you...like you're your own person....but I always feel better with you standing at the helm._

The gentle hum of the Normandy was the only sound apart from her heartbeat. She looked up the corridor towards the helm, the note brushing her bottom lip thoughtfully before she started walking. She was a little on edge; could feel electricity and adrenaline singing through her body. _It’s just Joker. Come on, cool it._ But the thought of his name made the chorus in her blood louder and her stride lengthened. There was no usual low murmur of whatever regulation-violating vid Joker was watching while doing his job. Most people would have said ‘instead’ of doing his job, but Bailie knew how quick that mind was and how possessive he was of the ship and knew there wasn’t a moment where it wasn’t in his focus. The cockpit and the back of his chair came into view and she slowed.

Joker’s head was down and the line of his shoulders told her he was anxious as he fiddled with something in his hands. She could only make out the side of his face and the way his head was hanging slightly. The hollow displays around him were devoid of any vid, showing nothing but the Normandy’s resting vitals. 

Bailie stepped forward, clearing her throat slightly and wetting her lips. “Well...guess I should have known.” She worked against her too-quick heartbeat to sound casual and teasing. Joker jumped slightly at her voice and her heart gave a pang. He looked up at her, his eyes going a little wide and flashing to the paper in her hands, a flicker of a smile at the corner of his mouth before it was replaced with a nervous expression. 

“Oh. You actually - hey - ah.” He ran a hand up under his hat to scratch at his hair before smoothing it down and replacing the cap just so, “sorry, known what?”

“That you decided that you were the treasure at the end of this little hunt.” Bailie murmured, struggling to keep a smile from her lips as she stepped closer.

Joker let out a single short laugh. “Ah, no. I’m not treasure.” She raised a brow at him and a little red crept into his face. He must have felt it, because he narrowed his eyes at her and added in a voice that was closer to his usual sass, “Besides. Who said that you were at the end yet?”

She frowned. “You mean I get dragged all over the ship by a paper alien parade, come all the way up here and then am gonna get sent off to some other corner of the Normandy? You know if there’s a leak in the waste management system you can just tell me. I’m a Commander, I’ll do my job and get it taken care of. You don’t have to trick me into doing it.”

His eyes danced. “What if I wanna get you to do something that’s _not_ your job?”

Bailie cocked her head in confusion. “And what might that be?”

He waved the folded paper in his hands, eyes never shifting from hers, and said softly, “Come find out.”

His chair was facing forward and she could tell that he wasn’t about to spin it to face her. She came up alongside it, slipping between the chair arm and the sweeping metal bracer to its left. It was closer to him than she ever usually came, unless she leaned over his shoulder. She reached for the outheld origami piece, but Joker pulled it back, eyes still fixed on hers, a teasing smile beginning to slide across his face. She gave him a quick scowl, but he didn't say a word, just waggled the paper directly in front of his chest. There wasn’t a ton of room between the control panels and his chair: she’d have to step directly in front of him to get to the damn paper. And that was when she noticed his left leg was tucked back against the chair leaving a small space directly in front of him. She stepped into it, staring down at him.

“Damn, and I thought I’d seen all the best views from this chair.” He said quietly. “This one’s pretty impressive though, gotta say.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, lengthening her breaths to try to keep the growing blush from showing on her face, but Joker was grinning knowingly, and tilted the origami piece towards her a fraction. She could see what it was now.

She’d thought it was a paper airplane, the really retro kind that looked like an Earth jet from the twenty first century, but now she could see that the edges of what she thought were the wings turned down and were folded into tapering tiers. Bailie took the paper Normandy in her hands, turning it over, taking in the surprisingly accurate folds.

“How’d you learn to do this?” she breathed, running a finger along the nose of the ship.

“Had a lot of time on my hands when I was grounded after…” he swallowed. “Well, after you know. Uh, yeah, time and...well I missed you both.” His tone shifted. “Took me twice as long to figure out how to make a paper Normandy as it did to learn to fly the damn thing.” He shrugged. “But I’m the best pilot in the galaxy. Not the best origami artist, so, figures.” He gave the paper in her hands a disapproving look. “Stupid SR-2 is twice as hard to make. Damn nose is too long. And an origami Normandy doesn’t have leather seats so there’s nothing for me in it.” He nudged her very carefully with a foot and glanced pointedly at the tiny Normandy in her hands. “Well, go on.”

She stared at him. “You’re seriously gonna make me take the Normandy apart?” He grinned and nodded. “After you were _just_ complaining about how it was so hard to make?”

He shrugged and adjusted his cap. “I think it will be worth it.”

She stared at him for a long moment, brain trying to work out what he could be on about, but surrendered, found the opening to a fold on the underside of the ship's paper hull and began to open it. She stared at the two words on the inside of the paper and then at Joker who grinned. 

_Fly me_

“No way.” She breathed.

“Yes, way.” he said, leaning forward a little.

She shook her head at him. “It would be a dream - it is a dream of mine...I guess. But there is no way I am gonna risk my crew by taking the helm of something I don’t know how to pilot.”

“Hasn’t stopped you with the Mako from what I’ve heard.” 

She swatted his cap with the paper, careful to make sure to snap her hand back so that the blow had very little impact.

“Ok, ok,” Joker said, raising his hands in surrender. “But….what if the crew weren’t around to deal with?”

Her eyes widened a little. “Joker, what the hell did you do with the rest of my crew?”

“I didn’t do anything.” He said, mischievous light dancing in his eyes. “But...everyone might have gotten a message that shoreleave has been extended overnight because Garrus and Tali might have done some creative calibrating to make Miranda think that the engines need some serious work….and Gabby might be taking the opportunity to have an early birthday party at Flux…”

Bailie ran a hand across her head in disbelief. “How early of a birthday party?”

Joker shrugged again, “Ten months? Give or take? Or maybe it’s a belated party...I don’t know. I, as you can see, was not invited and can’t really speak to how many candles are on the cake.”

“So you orchestrated a mutiny on my ship, and I’m missing out on cake?”

“Getting to fly the Normandy doesn’t seem sweet enough?”

She leaned against the console, the lure of the utter insanity he was suggesting tugging at her heart. _To fly the Normandy….holy shit._

“Joker, it's really dangerous for only two people to take a ship like this out of dock. Collector’s aside, there are still mercs, pirates...it’s still space. There’s a lot of shit out there.”

“I know.” He said. “Which is why Garrus and Tali are showing Grunt _Fleet and Flotilla_ in the lounge. That way we have a turian for the guns, a krogan for any boarding parties, and a quarian who is worth like four humans when it comes to doing anything with the engines.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

Joke laughed. “No. But Garrus did, and even found a way to occupy Grunt who wasn’t gonna leave the ship with you on it. Neither of them was willing to leave the damn ship actually. You have more scaly nannies than Tevos’ daughter.”

Bailie tried to find the other problems with this plan, but couldn’t. Her eyes searched Joker’s face. “You looked nervous...before you knew I was here. Doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence. You worried I’m gonna crash your baby.”

Joker shifted in his chair, taking his cap off and playing with the brim. “No...no…” he said as he feigned nonchalance. “I wasn’t nervous about that. I was - ah - no. I trust you to fly her. And I’m gonna be right here.”

“So why were you on edge?”

“I...I saw you got to the one at the galaxy map and….” he bit his lip, “I wasn’t sure you were gonna come.”

“You were watching me!”

“Ha! Yeah,” he scratched his head. “I was. My riddles are _great_ thank ya very much.”

“If you were watching me, why exactly were you worried I wasn’t going to come the rest of the way up here?” She asked in exasperation. 

Joker settled his hat back on his head. “I...I closed the feed when you picked up the note at the galaxy map.”

She gave him a sympathetic look.

“It was a lot of work. Didn’t wanna watch you walk away. I would have done like a week's worth of my exercise for nothin’.” 

“I’d never walk away from you.” She said softly. 

The air between them suddenly felt thick and heavy. Bailie was extra aware of every beat of her heart, the slight rise and fall of Joker's chest, the movement of his skin at his throat as he swallowed, painted gold in the light of the holo displays and the rich shadow under the scruff of his short beard. His lips pulled into a slight smile. “I had no idea…” he said so softly she learned in closer to hear, close enough to smell the spice of his aftershave, “you talked to yourself so much, but it's hilarious and I’m definitely watching you when you’re chilling around the Normandy more often now.”

Bailie pushed back quickly, glaring at him and crossing her arms. 

“Alright, I’m definitely reconsidering my promise about the airlock.”

He chuckled. “Well then you definitely need to learn how to fly the Normandy.”

She sighed, trying to hide the rush of excitement. “Fine.” Her eyes drifted to the co-pilot station and she pushed off the control panel to make her way over to it, but Joker caught her hand.

“Where do you think you're going?”

She stared down at him, his eyes bright under the shadow from his cap’s brim. “To the co-pilot seat, so you can teach me.”

“You’re already right where you need to be.”

She looked at him in confusion and he blushed a little, then carefully shifted his legs out, his seat sliding back a little. “I...uh...I kind of wanted to teach you from here.” He said. “I’m not being weird! Or corny...I...I don’t think people learn shit with verbal instruction. Especially for a ship like this. You...you need to feel it.” He looked at her hesitantly. “From here...I can help you feel it. That ok?”  
Bailie didn’t have the words to answer. She swallowed and nodded. Joker pulled her towards him and she turned and sat between his legs. There was plenty of room, but she remained perched, her body only brushing his. 

“Lean back.” He said, his breath now tickling the top of her ear.

“Uh…I’m trying to be really...respectful about this stuff,” she said tensely ”...but...is it safe to do that?”

His chuckle tickled her ear more. “I’m not gonna have you jump relays and slingshot off gravitational pulls on your first time out. This is gonna be old school.” She felt him shrug. “Just a cruise. I’ll be fine. Besides, you won’t be able to feel anything about how she moves sitting like that.”

Bailie nodded and carefully settled back into him. A knot she hadn’t realized was between her shoulders started to loosen as the warmth of his chest settled into her, his face was just to the left of her head and she could feel his beard scratching pleasantly against the side of her head. 

“Ok, I’m just gonna fire her up and get her out of the dock and then I’ll help you take over.” His hands danced over the holo display before them, moving without hesitation. It reminded her of how she felt during an unarmed fight, her body knowing what to do before her mind could even process it. The low hum of the engines crescendoed slightly and she heard the deep triplet timpani of the mag-locks of the dock releasing the Normandy from their grip. The gentle, slightly spicy smell of Joker wound around her as the ship slipped backwards out of the dock, through the protective mass effect field and into the open space around the Citadel. She felt the merest hair of a lift in the ship as the mass effect feld closed before the nose of the ship.

“What was that?” She asked, turning her head a bit so she could see his face out of the corner of her eye. He was smiling.

“You felt that?” She nodded. “It’s the extra kick the base thrusters give us once we leave atmospheric conditions. Everything gets an extra boost in a vacuum.” He eased the ship out and around the arm of the Citadel and glided his hand along a calibrated hologram to his left. The arm of the Citadel began to pass more quickly above them as they gained speed.

“Ok, uh, put your hands on top of mine for this part. It’ll help you get the idea.” He said, breath warm against her cheek. 

Bailie gently settled her smaller hands over the back of his, their forearms brushing each other. Her left hand followed his as he shifted it along the acceleration controls and the right tilted up and back as the nose of the Normandy did the same, soaring up and out from under the edge of the Citadel arm and out into open space. 

“Turn main thrusters on for me.” He said, “Just a quick tap there to your left.” Bailie spotted the holo key in question, followed his instructions, and the ship shot forward. “We’ll be out of the gravitational pull in a second here.”

“You’re going to have me fly all the way out there?” She said, her heart racing slightly at the idea, hoping he wouldn’t feel it. “What if something happens? I thought all training happened relatively close to planets or stations!”

“Training, sure,” Joker said. “But that’s not like real space flight. A gravitational pull is like training wheels on one of those antique bike things in historical vids. Flying in it kinda feels like flying in atmospheric conditions cuz there’s something you have to work against all the time. But it’s not space flight. The real stuff, out here where there’s nothing pulling on ya, is a lot harder.”

“Wouldn’t dealing with something pulling on you be worse?”

“Nope. We have stuff pulling on us all the time: gravity on a station, on a planet, air moving against us, even a cripple like me who stays inside can understand wind resistance, just gotta wave your hand around and you can feel it.” She could feel his voice rumbling in his chest as he spoke. “Our bodies fight against stuff all the time so we can figure out how to move a ship around a gravitational pull pretty easily. But then you get pilots out here and you see them shootin’ all over the place outta control.”

“I’m still not sure I’m following.”

“It’s the Newton dude’s stuff; although, don’t ever tell Garrus this, but I actually like Vitruvius, this one super ancient turian’s explanations a lot more. Out here every time you do something, it's like you’ve got someone or something doing the same thing back at ya. So I fire the thrusters,” his hand moved, taking Bailie’s with it, to the controls for the Normandy’s thrusters, “and the thrusters kind of fire at me and that pushed us forward.” The Citadel was growing smaller and smaller out the porthole as he spoke. “And once something’s moving, it will keep moving unless an unbalanced force messes up it’s trajectory. Gravity and wind or crap like that count as unbalanced forces, so we don’t really get to feel and understand the reality of it in-atmosphere or close to something with a gravitational pull.”

“So they overdo everything out here?” She asked.

She could feel his grin against her cheek. “Exactly.”

“And you are going to have me start out where it’s the most difficult for new pilots?”

“Well, new pilots don’t have me showing them the ropes.” He fixed their flight and said, “Now it’s your turn. Put your hand here and here.” He guided them gently to the right positions, laying his over hers now. Her palms tingled at the absence of his warmth and something in her settled as she felt his smooth palms on the back of her hands. The skin of her palm was so rough by comparison with calluses that shaped to her gun and scars from a hundred small, forgotten wounds and broken fingers.

“Think about your hand being a mini Normandy.” He said quietly. “If you want to bank or turn her…” His hand gently turned her wrist so that her palm rotated up, and she saw the stars shift around them as the ship’s orientation rotated clockwise about thirty degrees, “and if you want to come back,” he reversed the turn of their joined hands, the Normandy matching them degree for degree. “Things are a little different if we're really clipping or in combat, but this is my favorite way to fly.” 

“I can see why.” She said. She had always thought she felt powerful when she was holding something like the Widow, but this was completely different. This wasn’t just power, it was...pure freedom. A single physical act magnified, a mere thought, a slight twitch, enough to change where she was.

“Bank us upwards about twenty degrees.” He breathed. She shifted her hand slightly beneath Joker’s, feeling the top of hers press into his and the stars around them shifted in answer, her heart racing in excitement.

“There ya go.” He said, his voice warm.

She felt a new depth of agony at the thought of him separated from this feeling for...for _years_ in her absence. _No wonder he jumped the minute Cerberus came knocking._ The most recent bout of confinement in the medbay had left her wanting to climb the walls and all she was used to was walking, running, fighting, but those activities all seemed to pale to this right now.

“Now we’re gonna do something fun.” Joker said, thumbs wrapping down and around her palms so he could grip her hand as he began tapping different displays with the tips of her finger, like a cat pawing at something interesting. She laughed and she felt his chuckle in her ear as he entered the commands to reverse thrusters, the motion of the stars around them slowed and then stilled. 

“That was already pretty exhilarating.” She said.

“Yeah. But there’s nothing like starting your own flight.” He guided her left hand to a circular display. “Alright, you rotate this clockwise to fire her up. Right now we are an object at rest. Now go on, unbalance us.”

“What?”

“You are an unbalanced force.”

“Oh I am, am I?” She demanded, grinning as she turned her head to give him an accusatory squint.

“Yup.” He said with a definitive nod. “I’ve watched vids of you out on a mission to know that for sure. So, now you're gonna unbalance us to start the flight.”

“You know I’m only putting up with that mouth of yours so I can fly the shiny spaceship, right?”

“Ah huh. Sure. We both know you like my mouth for a lot more than that.” He said, his lips grazing her ear. She couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down her spine and he laughed. “Alright Commander, go ahead and lie to yourself, that’s fine. Now fire up those thrusters, but take it easy, or you’ll crush my ribs and then my mouth won’t be able to do anything for you really.”

“You didn’t keep Chakwas on the ship?”

“Nope.”

“Feel like that was kind of an oversight.”

“Mmmm, I’m considering it more of an insurance policy, stop you from getting over excited.”

“Insurance policies are _there_ in-case of an emergency.”

He shrugged. “You’ll do fine, and I’ll be fine. No go for it.”

Bailie took a steadying breath, and began to rotate her hand ever so slightly. The displays showed the steady rush of power to the thrusters and the stars started to slide past them.

“Nice. Go ahead and give her a little more. I took us way out away from the shipping lanes, and our scanners will pick up any stray crafts coming in from a hell of a ways off. Get a feel for what she can do.” 

Bailie furthered the rotation and they dashed away across the sky. Her right hand tilted and turned, carrying Joker’s in a gentle dance as the Normandy banked, turned, rose and dove like a dolphin in the surf. At the very edge of the forward porthole she could see the dancing lights as bits of tiny space debris connected and were obliterated by the ships mass effect shields, becoming small trailing starbursts that flashed past. 

As she banked the Normandy upwards, a nebula crept into view, painting the once black void with rich hues of violet, pink gold and sea green. The clouds of dust and gas seemed to be caught mid-billow and swirl, impossible acrobatics frozen forever and filling the sky with the splendor of their grace She couldn’t stop herself from letting out a small gasp.

“Not a bad view, right?”

“Are you kidding? It’s incredible.”

“They're even cooler on the inside. Wanna take a look?”

Bailie laughed. “I mean yeah, but that thing’s like a month away at this speed.”

“We don’t have to stay at this speed.”

“Yeah but what about your ribs and our distinct lack of a doctor?”

“Eh,” Joker said, dismissing her concern. “I can get us over close and then you can play in the dust like the seven year old you probably are inside.”

Bailie laughed, “Yeah, because your internet presence doesn’t clearly show that you are a perpetual pervy teen.”

“Yeah well, it's just you and me here, and you haven’t thrown me out the airlock yet.” He said, his nose grazing the side of her head. “So I don’t really feel the need to bother denying it. Just lean forward for a sec and hold on to the panel there while I jump us a bit, unless you wanna have me cough blood over the back of your neck from my newly punctured lung.”

Bailie pulled her hands from beneath him and gripped the panel, shifting her weight forward and recentering it.

“Alright,” he said, reaching around her to tap a variety of commands. “Little kick coming in three...two...one.” And he quickly flicked his wrist forward, sending the Normandy hurtling through the void, the nebula magnifying rapidly before them and all other points of reference disappearing in a blur. Bailie felt herself shift back on the seat a little, but stayed well away from Joker’s chest. He flicked his wrist back a second later and she felt her weight pushed forward as they finished the jump and came back to the leisure cruising propulsion. 

“Ah...you can lean back again.” Joker said. “I mean. If you wanna...like-”

But she shifted back, rubbing her head purposefully along the edge of his jaw as she did. “I want to. It’s nice here.” His hand came around and ran down her thigh. 

“Yeah, well...I think it is.” She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the sound of his voice in her ear and the smell of him, bursting with energy and feeling like she might melt away into nothingness all at once. Then she heard him sniggering and turned to find a lopsided grin on his face.

“What?” She asked.

“Ah, nothin. It’s bad.” He said, his grin spreading.

“Well that’s unsurprising. Come on. Tell me.”

“Mmmm...I don’t know. I usually keep these kinda thoughts to myself.”

She tilted her head, “Well, I wanna know even more badly now.”

“You’re problem. Not mine.”

“I can make it your problem.” She said.

“Jeez, keep your pants on. Ah...or...don’t.”

“You’re gonna make me beg again?” She asked in mock irritation.

He laughed. “No, but I should. It was...very nice. Ok ok...I just was thinking...that…” he sniggered again, “I was kind of hoping Garrus and Tali were like...fooling around when we made that jump just now.”

“Oh my god no.” Bailie said, covering her face. “I don’t wanna think about that. And you’re terrible, he’s spiky everywhere he could have impaled her!”

“He’s a dude, impaling to some degree is inveit-”

“JOKER!”

“You asked.” He said, splaying his hands innocently. She thwacked one gently.

“God. Your mind. I wouldn’t even wanna try to picture-”

“Yeah well, I don’t have to try-”

She turned and pressed a hand to his mouth. “Don’t you dare say the rest of that sentence. I do not want to know the end.” He grinned against her hand and after giving him a severe look, that was somewhat mitigated by the twitch she couldn’t keep from her lips, she pulled her hand away. Their faces were so close now, noses inches apart. She saw his eyes drift to her full lips, blue and gold light from the nebula behind her glazing the bones of his cheek, nose and brow. She found herself marveling for a moment at his incredibly thick lashes that lined his rich brown eyes. They met hers, and he took a long breath, and rolled his wide shoulders. 

“Uh...you can’t pilot very well looking backwards.” He said, his voice husky in a way it hadn’t been a few minutes earlier. “Kinda need to uh...keep your eyes on the objective.”

“Who’s to say they’re not already on my objective,” she breathed.

A look of longing crossed his face, and then he cleared his throat, “No. None of that. Come on, you're distracting me. I...I’m tryin’ to show you something.”

She leaned in a little to where she knew her breath would be tickling his lips. “You’re always multitasking. You seem pretty good at handling distractions.”

“Ha ha, uh yeah. Just not...not ones like this. This is a...very distracting, distraction.”

“So...you want me to stop.” She asked, leaning in a smidge further so that their brows just touched.

“No. I mean, yes. Well, no I would like to be distracted like this, just...after.”

She grinned, “So you wanna show me something and then you want to spend some time being...distracted.”

“Yes. I want to spend a lot of time being _very_ distracted in a crap ton of different ways...in just a little bit.”

She shifted back a fraction. “Promise you’ll let me distract you later?”

His eyes were locked on hers. “Bailie I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.”

She smiled, “Ok. I can work with that.” She said as she settled back into the warmth of his body. He made a small noise and she could feel the extent of his distraction through his pants. 

“This is gonna be like the most painful flight of my entire life.”

“I could distract you now and you could show me things afterwards,” she said innocently. 

“Mmmmm, no. We’re gonna do this now before I become completely powerless to the evil space succubus hanging out in this cockpit with me.”

“You invited me here.” She pointed out.

“Yeah. Just didn’t realize you were like a vampire or something. Gotta be invited somewhere for your dark powers to take effect. See, last time you invited me into your lair, so I at least had a chance, but now the true potential of your hot monstrosity has been unleashed.”

She laughed. “Is that the archenemy of the Illusive-Dick? Dr. Hot Monstrosity?”

“No.” Joker said laughing as well, the mirth shaking Bailie slightly. “But that sentence is like eighty percent of the script of an X-rated vid!”

“Oh shit you’re right. Oh no no no!” She cried, “oh I didn’t mean to do that!”

She felt him kiss the side of her head, “Yeah, but I’m _so_ glad you did cuz I’m never going to let you forget it happened.” She rolled her eyes. “So Dr. Hot Monstrosity, hands on the controls -ah ooof ah - NO! The ship's controls thank you!” Bailie feigned a pout as she pulled her hand from behind her and placed it on the holo display. “Now take us in.”

“I’ll take you in.” she muttered gumpily under her breath.

“Uh, yeah,” Joker whispered in her ear, “that’s kind of how sex works.”

She didn’t give him the satisfaction of a response but she felt his gentle chuckle as she increased the thrusters and dove the Normandy into the colorful sea of the nebula. “Don’t you need to put your hands on mine?” She asked. “Guide me and stuff?”

“Nah.” He said. “I can tell you have the hang of it. Beides, I thought I might put my hands here for a little bit…” she felt his arms wrap around her waist, fingertips skimming across her shirt in a maddening way that made her shiver and forget about how fun flying was. “If that’s ok…” he said softly. 

“Yeah.” She said, her voice catching a little. “Ahhh it’s more than ok.” She fought to keep her attention on the clouds of billowing gas that they were gliding through. “How do you know it’s safe for us to go in here?”

“The scanners read the gasses and stuff that make up the nebula.” He said, quick movements of his fingers bringing up a bar graph displaying columns of green light of various heights. “If everything’s green, we’re fine to fly. Red and we’re dead. And this is the Makara nebula, I’m super familiar with it.”

The pinkish cloud of gas that had occupied the space where they entered the nebula was starting to thin out and Bailie was beginning to see vague shapes in the distance. The dust and space debris here was clearly made of something different than in the open void. The trails where they burned off against the mass effect shields had shifted to a deep magenta, the chemicals of their makeup creating the warm hue on combustion. The last of the pinkish haze cleared and Bailie felt her jaw drop slightly. 

They had emerged into a huge space within the nebula where what almost looked like enormous waves of pale blue gas shot through with fissures of gold towered before them. It was like a wild sea in the middle of a storm frozen in space and flecked with filigree. 

“Holy shit.” She breathed.

“Cool huh?” Joker asked. “Oh, wait for it, see that nearest gaseous spire at two o’clock?” She nodded. “Go fly through it.”

“This isn’t some hazing on evasive maneuvers, right? There’s not a huge asteroid I’m gonna have to avoid or a bunch of batarian mercs to run from?” She asked warily.

Joker snorted. “No. Come on, don’t you trust me?”

“With...well with something like my...feelings...yes.” she said begrudgingly, and then added quickly to cover the rush of embarrassment, “and I trust you with the Normandy but I don’t trust that you haven’t come up with some crazy thing I have to do that is gonna seem hilarious from your perspective.”

“It’ll be worth it.” He said. “I promise.”

“Mmmm…” Bailie grumbled warily, but she guided the Normandy into a smooth turn so that they were gliding straight for the spire.

It grew larger and larger until it filled the entire porthole before them and Bailie could make out hundreds of different tones of blue that made up its marbled composition. Then the nose of the Normandy penetrated the cloud. “Here we go.” Joker whispered.

It was like golden fireworks were erupting around them. As the gas made contact with the mass effect fields it blazed into sprays of golden sparks that trailed up the nose of the ship and danced over the forward porthole. She felt Joker’s right hand leave her waist, a small pang in her gut at it’s loss, and he placed it over hers, shifting the tilt of her hand back and forth again and again. The Normandy moved with them, the dancing sparks turning silver-white in its wake as the ship began to rotate back.

“This is liatis gas.” He breathed in her ear. “The most dangerous one we can actually fly through...but I also kind of think it’s the most beautiful.” She felt him tense just a little. “Uh...what do you think?” 

Bailie stared at the seemingly endless waves of silver and gold sparks against the rolling blue clouds of gas, settling into the warmth of Joker's body, breathing deeply, that hint of spice tickling her nose. 

_“My lungs long knew breath,_

_But their purpose was abstract,_

_Till your hand brushed mine.”_

His hand squeezed hers and then parted company and flitted across a few controls, the holo screen before them reading, _Maintain Current Vector_. 

“Hey EDI.” Joker called.

“Yes Mr. Monroe?” Came the AI’s disembodied response.

“Uh...change cockpit cameras to “Do Not Disturb” settings.” He said, and then whispered, “I...might have changed a few things about how the cameras work. Don’t throw me to the Creberus dogs.” 

“Do Not Disturb setting active, Mr. Monroe.”

“Cool, thanks EDI.” He said. “Uh...so do you wanna get distracted...here?”

Bailie looked around. “Wait what? Are… are you serious.” She turned to face him and he nodded, his brows slightly raised, nerves and hope plain in his expression. She glanced at the holo screens, “Where would we even-” but before she could finish, Joker made a few quick adjustments and the displays vanished, leaving the sleek sloping face of the control panel bare before them. 

She laughed, cocking her head to the side as she stood up. ”Well I guess that works…” Her back was to the panel and the bursts or sparks and exploding gas in front of them, and Joker pushed himself a little gingerly up from his chair.

“I’ve uh, seen intimacy in the cockpit with someone on the pilot’s lap...um, I just wouldn’t be a good fit for that particular set up.” He paused looking a little unsure and she nodded for him to go on. “But I...had something else in mind that might work.”

“And what would that be?” She asked slowly.

He didn’t answer. He closed the distance between them till their hips met, and then kept pressing her back gently. Bailie shifted backwards till the back of her thigh met the wall of the control panel. Joker leaned in, kissing her once gently. She tried to catch his lips a second time but he pressed his forehead to hers and tucked his chin slightly to keep his silken mouth out of reach, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. His head pressed gently against hers, guiding her, leaning her back till she was lying along the slope of the control panel. His hands were on either side, supporting him as he leaned in, lips leaving a trail of burning kisses along her neck to the hollow of her throat. Her breath became a little ragged and he pulled back, staring down at her. There was something unreadable in his eyes as they took her in.

The light across his face kept shifting, waves of warm and cool from the fantastical reaction outside the ship gilding him in gold and silver again and again, the shadow of his beard and brows rich, the contour of a stray curled hair winking in the ever changing light His eyes became flecked with gold n then deepened to the coolest blue-green jade.

“What?” She asked quietly.

“You're beautiful, Bailie.”

She couldn't handle the feeling growing in her chest. “Shut up and kiss me.” She said, hooking a finger in the neck of his uniform and pulling him towards her. She shifted her legs, wrapping them around him, careful to make sure the panel at her back held her weight and not him. 

He’d laughed plenty on this flight but there was a warmth in the one that followed her demand that made her a little dizzy. “You’re right.” He said. “I should focus on being distracted.” His lips finally met hers again. The kiss was like getting to take off her helmet after hours and hours in terrain without atmosphere. The rush of relief and pleasure at something fresh and real.

Her hands trailed up from his waist, feeling the firm muscles of his core. He moaned slightly at her touch, the sound inspiring her hands to explore further, across his chest, up his broad shoulders, silken neck (she felt him shiver a little at that and she laughed into a kiss), her fingers sneaking under his cap and curling in his short shaggy hair. His tongue eased gently along hers and the rush it sent through her made her dig her fingers in, the motion knocking the cap from his head. 

She pulled back a little, “Shit, sorry.”

“D’snt matter.” He murmured before kissing her again.

“But it’s your cap-”

“And I am _very_ distracted right now.” He said, shifting his hips.

She grinned into his next kiss as she felt what he was talking about and her fingers dropped to the front of his uniform, dispatching the snaps and zipper with savage speed.  
“Oh, gonna get rid of my hat and my shirt are we?” He asked.

“I’m gonna get rid of everything.” She breathed.

She felt the warmth of his fingers slip under her shirt, trailing up her sides, the cool cockpit air kissing her suddenly exposed skin. “Then two can play at that game.” He growled. He slid a hand behind her back and pulled her with surprising ease up from the console, pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it aside. 

“Have I told you how much I love your hair?” He asked. 

“Really?” she asked, feeling a little dizzy between the chill of the air, heat of his hands, the surprising comment and his intoxicating kisses.

“Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of vids where long hair gets in the way of getting to...important things or gets caught on something or in someone’s face or mouth…”

“So you like it because it’s practical?” She asked incredulously.

“No,” he said. “I like it because it’s you. Tough but cute…” a hand caressed the side of her face and then he rubbed her head, cackling a little, “and fuzzy.”

“Uh huh sure.” She said. “You wanna put that mouth to better use?”

She felt his grin against her lips. “If you insist, Commander.”

The slight pressure of her bra encircling her ribs suddenly vanished and he tugged the garment away. 

“When did you-” she gasped.

“I’m not giving away all my secrets.” 

Her fingers found the buckle of his belt and made quick work of it and it clanged quietly as his pants dropped. Her breath caught as his fingers grazed the delicate skin below her navel sweeping her pants away as his lips crept down her chest and across the swell of a breast. She felt a gentle nip of teeth, the sensation making her toes curl.

“Jeff!” She said, her voice revealing the frenzy filling the rest of her body.

“Oh, sorry, but I was under orders to put my mouth to use.”

“I know...but .” She felt a flush creep across her face. “Flying is very.... _exciting._ And I think I just want...well I-” she felt the teeth again. “Damnit, Jeff, I need _you.”_

His eyes met hers and there was something deep and steady there as well as bright desire. “That’s all you ever have to say, Bailie.”

And he gave her everything among the stars. 


End file.
